Thursday, April 24, 2008

Tampons ( For Fat Chicks Only!)

I wish, wish, wish someone had told me this when I was younger. Since I'm officially "old" now, I feel the need to tell you. And you alone. Well, you and a million other fat women.

Not all tampons work for all fat women. There, I said it.

When I was young, I tried tampons off and on in my late teens. I had very little luck with them staying in. If I had a heavy flow ~at all~, the thing would basically pop out before I really wanted it to. No bueno.

So, for years, I figured it was me. No way would I risk tampons. I would instead, wear the heavy pads and hope for no leaks. It was messy and well, I'm here to tell you, it doesn't need to be that way.

Not all tampons work for all fat women. The two varieties I tried were the ones my mom used and the ones that I tried in the bathrooms at school. They were relatively hard little puffs of cotton. I picture them as pellets that would shoot from my vagina. Not a good thing.

So, one day several years ago, I tried tampons again. The clouds opened and a ray of sunshine fell upon my head. It was a miracle. These tampons stayed...and did the whole "dam up the pipes and collect goodness along the way" job...and they were predictable. It was a beautiful thing! Tampons had become my friends. (For those who really need to know, they are Kotex Security brand).

For years, I've relied upon these plugs o' goodness for my sanity. Then, one day recently, while on vacation, I needed some while at a filling station. They didn't have my brand. So, with naive confidence that somehow my vagina had suddenly learned how to use the hard cotton plugs of old, I gave it a good old college try.

Bullets of bloody cotton were shot from my loins. (Artistic license!)

Not all tampons work for all fat women.

Try different brands until you find the one. You will be glad you did.


Andi said...

Tampons help me to experience, in the best way possibe, the best part of being a woman!

I'm relieved to know you found a kind that works for you!

Andi said...

Dang, the pic path is wrecked ... I'll try again. Maybe if I make the path two lines? Geez, if you want to see the pic, it might take some work, sorry!


Anyway, it's me, with a smiley smile, holding a transparent bag that has a smiley on it, and in the bag is a box of tampons. I'd stopped at a convenience store due to "emergency circumstances," and they gave me this transparent bag! I was sort of embarrassed to carry it around the streets of Toronto. haha

Cat said...

heheh. That's a great shot, Andi!
Gotta love the see-through bags. Good thing it wasn't a bag of condoms, wart remover, yeast infection cure AND tampons! You know no one ever really needs any of those! ;-)

Anonymous said...

My wife also is built for comfort not for speed and when her monthly "friend" shows even the heaviest flow protector are not enough. As I do most of the shopping, I get some truely crazy looks when I am buying both tampons and pads.

Barbara Fox said...

tampons are all i use. i am 28 years old, 368 pounds and 4'3" tall. i keep yeast infections and i can't get rid of the rotten dead fishy, shrimp smell. my inner thighs (crotch area) stays rubbed raw. All my lovers think it is sexy, so to keep them happy, i will continue to gain weight and stink. Could the problems i mention be caused by tampons?

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