Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Feminine Daintiness (I wish this was an April Fool's Joke!)

First, my friend Andi, an awesome chicka who attended high school with me and has a fun, albeit quite private blog, sent me a note to let me know that my photo appears when searching Google for "listerine douche". Don't use the quotes when searching. You'll find me! Sure enough, there I am in one of my less flattering quasimodo photos. I'm supposedly asking a whole bunch of stupid questions of dubious veracity. Trust me, it's not me. Anyway, I came to wonder why Andi was searching on "listerine douche". Well, apparently someone sent her info on Lysol douches. Yup, LYSOL douches. So...then...well, of course I had to look up lysol douches. OMFG. Yup, apparently in the ultra-clean 50s, women's daintiness (read lack of coochy cleanliness) was the whole reason that marriages fail. It's there in black and white, so you know it must be true. Let me put it in modern terms because I don't think that "feminine daintiness" has the same...oh, I dunno...hippness that it once did.

Hubby giving you a cold shoulder? It's cuz your vajayjay ain't fresh, girlfriend. If you have to wonder if your lovebox stinks, sister, you know it does. And your husband *knows*. Ooooh boy, does he. What's the solution? Well, let me tell you....it's a solution of LYSOL disinfectant. That's right. Put that up there and awwaaaay goes the unpleasant odors. After you do this, your husband will be visiting *your* bed once again.
Ok, the *your* bed may be a little too post-modern for today's woman. ;-) It's just soooo crazy to even think that 1. they thought it was a really good idea to use disinfectants in this way. I mean, I'm sure they really wiped things clean, but it had to do some damage along the way. 2. WTF. I know that advertising preys upon women's insecurities even today, but c'mon, did women believe this crap back then? I kind of think they probably did. I mean women today buy into the crap that they need to be slender to get and keep a man, a job, a friend, a life. It's all bullshit, but we buy it anyway. If there's a way we can achieve the dream of "perfection" as advertisers see it, we will plunk down our change to chase it. Agggh. Kids, it's pretty simple. There is NO SUCH THING AS BODY PERFECTION. Be the best person you can be and people will want to be with you...even if your coochy isn't *fresh* every minute, or if you have a fat bum. Or you have thin lips. Or you have flat hair. Or you have less-than white teeth, etc, etc, etc, etc.

For a little fun reading, I give you a selection of Lysol ads from the 50s:


Andi said...

haha, I'd been douching with Listerine all this time, and come to find it was supposed to be Lysol! This is what happens when I only half listen to my mother. ;)

Thanks so much for the maily package with the Lysol douche bottle! I wonder if pine scent will be okay as the refill? I think my husband is ready for me to seem "new" again. "Medicine fresh" (Listerine) is getting old. Or so I fear. I have no confidence in my coochie. :cry:

By the way, you write great ad copy!