Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Utah is special...

I know Utah is full of conservatives...Mormon and not. Most of the time it really doesn't make any difference in how I live my own life. A few things, however, have arisen that make it more apparent that I live in an ultra-controlling conservatively off center locale. The other day, listening to the radio, the song, "Rockstar" by Nickelback came on. Now, while it may be taken seriously by some people, I find the song pretty funny and it's got an awesome grooooove to it. I especially like the little devil voice asking questions of the lead singer. At one point in the song, (here's the lyrics for those of you unfamiliar) he says that he's going to have a drug dealer on speed dial. The bleeped out "drug dealer!" OH, that's right, the rest of the seven deadly sins explicitly detailed in this song was ok...but yeah, that "drug dealer" part...wipe that out. It's far toooo explicit. "Seriously, boys and girls, when you want to be a rock star...go for everything but the drugs. Real rockstars don't do drugs." Bwwwwaaahahah.

The problem with censorship like this is that hiding the elephant of drug addiction in the room won't keep kids from trying them. Capice? Hiding it and keeping it baaaad makes it seem really, really cool for those kids wanting to be anything but their conservative parents are pretending not to do.

As if censoring music isn't bad enough, the State passed some new alcohol control laws. No longer will the grocery stores carry the already-extra-diluted-and-made-special-for-Utah alcapops (Mikes Hard Lemonade and the like). They can still carry anything that tastes bad -- like the extra diluted beers. I personally don't like the taste of alcohol and have rarely had anything alcoholic to drink, but when I did, I preferred a fruity cover up to avoid the flavor. Now, if on the off-chance I wanted something like that to drink, I would have to hunt down the state run liquor stores which are few and far between...and they're so freakin' hard to find. They're casually marked, dark dingy cinderblock buildings in bad neighborhoods (which really aren't that bad...just bad as far as Salt Lake goes.) So, yeah, the once a year trip to the house-o-liquor may get cancelled again this year.

In addition to the alcapop change, they're delving into the bars aka "private clubs for members" here in Utah to try to make the laws appear more normal to visitors. Ummm...I think they messed up. The new law affects shots...if you're drinking a margarita for instance, you cannot order an additional 1 ounce shot of tequila, but you can order a 1 ounce shot of vodka. See, if it's in your drink already, we don't want you to order an additional ounce to spice it up. No sirreeee...you've gotta drink something different, dangit. OH and don't even think of ordering a double shot...still illegal. Two ounces? Are you serious?! Far too much in Utah. So, if you're looking to get drunk in Utah, please remember that variety is the spice of life -- order a mixed drink and an extra shot of liquor not already contained in the mix. Oh, remember, though, that you can't have more than 2.5 ounces of alcohol in front of you at any given time (down from 2.75 oz), so drink up quickly and get on with your life.


Michael Griffey said...

Yeah...Utah is pretty stupid. I went through there one year and the anti-smoking laws were enough to make me hate the place.

It's idiots like these that make all conservatives look bad.