Friday, May 25, 2007

Miscarriage Memories

I've received several emails about the miscarriage I mentioned in the last post. I thought I had mentioned it before, but apparently not. It was several years ago, so for historical purposes, here's the full story as I remember it...

First off, I didn't know I was pregnant, so it wasn't huge emotional issue for me. As I've grown older and haven't carried a pregnancy to full term, the emotion of it has grown with time.

I was at work when the pain struck me. I sat at my desk and thought, "Crap, this is a really bad cramp." I wasn't a stranger to unusual period behavior, so I thought nothing of it. I hurried to the bathroom to take care of "business". While I was in there, the pain increased and I started to bleed very heavily. Again, I was used to heavy periods, so no major worries aside from the fact that it was a really sudden ocurrence rather than minor bleeding followed by major gushes. So, there I sat in the stall. Passing chunks. (Excuse my ummmm...grossness... it's just the facts, Jack.) After a few minutes, I looked into the toilet to see a white ball about the size of a large egg yolk floating in the blood. I thought, "This looks important." You know, when you have a cancerous tumor that falls ino the toilet, you should probably pick it up and take it with you. So, I reached in an picked it out. Just then, someone else came into the bathroom. Dang. Poor timing. My hands are covered with blood and I need to get out of there with the "tumor." I rushed out of the stall and quickly grabbed some paper towels, wrapped up the "tumor" in the towels and put it in my cleavage. Yes, a perfect hiding spot! I washed my hands and rushed back to my desk. I called my boyfriend and said, "Come and get me NOW." I'm pretty sure my "NOW" was convincing. I did briefly say that I either just passed a tumor or had a miscarriage. I'm sure I said both of those quietly so that my cube-mates couldn't hear me, so chances are, the bf probably didn't hear me either.

Twenty minutes or so quickly went by and my boyfriend was out front and was pickin' me up. I'm sure I had a pretty panicked look so the bf was freakin' out in his own way. Upon the drive back home, I had THE worst pain I've ever experienced. It was akin to a knife being jabbed in my gut and being twisted back and forth. Another chunk of goodness was on its way out. It was a biggin'!

Upon arriving home, I went to the bathroom just off the kitchen. I took the toweled prize from between my breasts and carefully unwrapped it. Now that it was slightly dried off, the "tumor" was quite apparent to be an amniotic sac. Still intact and filled with fluid, I was able to press the bubble to expand the tissue and peer inside to see the tiny little embryo. When it wasn't stretched, you couldn't see through it...unlike the "National Geographic" type photos of embryos would have you believe. In fact, when the sac was in liquid much as it would be within the womb, the fuzzy tissue on the outside of the sac made it look like an off-white jellyfish or something like that. Your sac may be different, but this is what my body developed... I spent a good deal of time peering at the embryo which was maybe the size of a lima bean. It was a very white little creature. The eyes were still slightly on either side of the head. The arms and legs were tiny.

I took the sac and put it in a little Tupperware container and put it in the fridge. (Yeah, I know, kinda gross, but the scientist in me was pretty pleased.) I called the doctor and set up an appointment for the following morning. After calling I went back and forth to the fridge to take extra looks to investigate the curiousity.

Jump ahead 12 or so hours and I'm at the doctor...doing the whole stirrup thing and showing the doc my proud little Tupperware find. I was told that expelling a whole amniotic sac is pretty unusual and she was pretty pleased to see it much so, that she took it away and I never saw my little embryo again. I did get some good news 'cuz I thought that I spontaneously aborted due to my weight, and the doc informed me that wasn't the case. She's seen women much larger give birth. She said that the real trick with most infertile women is just *getting* pregnant. Oh, another good thing...apparently I had a "complete" miscarriage. When I was in the car, I was passing a big ol' placenta. Oftentimes women have incomplete spontaneous abortions and they need to have D&Cs to remove any remaining tissue. So, all in all, a good experience. In addition, I wasn't treated like a fat freak which is always a bonus.

Later that day, I received a call and found out that I would need a shot. Whee! Turns out I'm Rh negative. So, a shot in the bum and I was pretty much done with this whole situation. I was informed at the time that I would need to have RhoGAM shots anytime I got pregnant to avoid the conflict of blood types that happen with rh- mothers with their fetuses.

FLASH FORWARD. When I was diagnosed with being hypo-thyroid, so many bells went off in my head. While I was pregnant, I was extremely cold. It was a really hot, hot summer, so there was no reason for it aside from the fact that I was probably hypothyroid at the time and the pregnancy was exacerbating it. I suffered from a lot of the other hypothyroid symptoms during and after the miscarriage, but you know, when they're not bad enough to completely ruin your life, you don't pay much attention to 'em. At least I don't.

So, there you have it in a wee nutshell.


Anonymous said...

Ok, I was there and had the psychic reaction at work while you were in pain too, remember? I had to go home early because of my pain. Still think that was "weird".

Remember, you didn't just put it "in" the tupperware. You also had it suspended, hammocklike with plastic wrap as a barrier on topa nd bottom, at the top of the plastic tupperware glass with water in it so that you could shine the flashlight through it. It was kind of strange and weird all together.

Sister Claudia